i love my little Filipino baby.....

This week has gone by SO FAST. And i've certainly been busy with school, COR, VDAY rehearsals, meetings galore...it's cool though. WE GOT FIVE NEW AWESOME SIGMAS!!! And Val my RA, who i absolutely ADORE is now a sister! It's kinda weird not being the baby Sigmas anymore..but at the same time it's all very exciting!

So tonight I went to a Pre-Med meeting, and i learned something that can be applied to everyone. So here's the definition of BURNING OUT- A dislocation between what you are doing and what is expected of you. We are expected to do a lot of things but i think that's the problem... We have to adjust our expectations of not only others, but OURSELVES. We have to realize that we are not superheroes...but that is hard, especially in this society. I think that is definitely a big problem of mine. I try to do TOO many things. I don't think i'm fully out of the Superwoman High School Randa mode. I really need to stop and really focus on what REALLY matters to me. So in saying that, it's almost necessary for me to write the things that I truly care about or want. It's pretty general....same thing that everyone wants....Love, Respect, Friendship....Performing Well and living up to my potential. I truly believe that one can do anything with a certain determined persistence. I know i have not done my best yet...but I can assure you that the issue will definitely change.

So i was in the elevator in the fine arts building today and the woman with me asked if I was Filipino. I was kind of taken aback...usually those are things that people just don't notice around here...but she said her best friend was Filipino. So yay! It really makes me wonder what other people REALLY think of me when they first see or meet me. I know we say that other peoples' opinions do not matter, but as a matter of fact...it is. our society functions on pleasing others in order to feel accepted. We have to please others in order to succeed.

I met a guy from Cyprus today. His name was Yanni. I love meeting international people... i feel...connected to them somehow..but at the same time, I know that i'm not really an international student...I've been pretty much "Americanized." In the eyes of Internationals, I am "American," just by the way i speak and present myself. If I were to go back to the Philippines right now, the natives would automatically be able to tell that I was American...just by my Southern American drawl and other western mannerisms. But then, when i'm around...just "Americans," I can't help but still feel a little odd...sometimes out of place... like when people ask me where i'm from and I tell them Tennessee...people will sometimes look at me quizzically..as if they are expecting another answer...and so i go on to explain that I am originally from the Philippines....it is inevitable...or if I don't explain right away, they ask me what my ethnicity is...I know i shouldn't feel that way....like..weirded out...technically there is no one standard of what indeed is "American.." It would be different if I was born and raised here...i probably would not feel weird at times, but just the fact that I've lived in the Philippines, and came here at an age where i can still remember things from the Philippines...i guess that is what makes the difference.....Call it paranoia...but i don't know...like...it's just hard to explain..and no one would really be able to relate to what i'm saying right now..so i'm going to stop...I sometimes tend to make things seem bigger than what they really are...which leads to me worrying about something very trivial. Anyway....i'm peacing out..I have a date with my bed...

Good night ya'll.