funny

It's funny how easily one gets annoyed when running on 4 hours of sleep and typing a biology rough draft research paper....just today in general...well mostly my night i've been just irritated at the slightest things..i feel as if a trainload of emotions are going through me...like i've been short-tempered....basically just annoyed and i don't even know why...I feel as if i'm the only caring about anybody and no one is caring about me...i shouldn't even feel that way because i have the best family and friends i could ever ask for....but why is it that while i'm surrounded by multitudes of people...i feel so ...alone? On the one hand it could just be the lack of sleep that i have been suffering from..but basically it's just from me being retarded and just staying up....because i'm such an insomniac..but i really do think that it's affecting me...

One of my flaws is that i care too much...i care so much about the people that i love that sometimes i don't even recognize my own problems or needs...but i guess that's better than being apathetic to everything and not taking a stance...which according to Dante, is the worst fate of all fates because in his hell, one would get stung by wasps repeatedly and their "tears would be met by the worms below" Haha..one thing that Faye Hardin gave me was Dante and his version of hell

.....hah..i was just reading the results from the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory Personality Test Thingie...and haha...ok here goes.."Possible Causes of Stress" include: May be sensitive to indifference from others, May give their all in service and expect others to do the same, May take care of others and neglect own needs.....so..i guess i know myself pretty well then...
Here's how i deal with stress..or how i should anyway....I naturally rely on family and friends, naturally give their personal best to any task, must be careful not to expect everyone else to share their high standards, must pay close attention to own needs.....hmmm...kinda makes you think....for example when you ask someone how they are...do you really care? No..because in our society today, it's more of a formality and just a matter of being polite....i mean..i do it...don't get me wrong...but it's just an observation that i've made....and then when you say the hi how are you's and the good thanks and you's....there's that awkward silence that you can't seem to get rid of...same as riding in elevators....it's funny how the more people are in an elevator, the less likely they are to talk amongst themselves...and there's just this really long awkward silence....

anyway....i'm peacing out for now...sorry it must be the sleep talking....

my feet hurt

But then again so would yours if you had to wear heels for 3 days straight...i have blisters everywhere..yay..but it's all cool it's all for showing some Sigma pride since I JUST GOT INITIATED!!!

Tomorrow i have an interview with the the friendly Disney people for an internship program...basically the video said If you like to "have fun, meet people, and learn", then this program is for you...and you get paid...and you get to work in Orlando....who knows i may get to dress up as Princess Jasmine...I don't know if i will end up doing it..but what the heck..might as well put that national winning interview skills to use...if i did do it i would do it when i'm older...just because they have programs for "reproductive sciences" and botany stuff...like that thing we learned about in botany last year that they do at the Epcot Center....

So the latest craze in reality tv is "The Biggest Loser"...It's really funny because you're forced to lose weight within x number of days....and whatever team loses the most wins...but what some people don't understand is that....you may not lose weight..but you could lose inches...this one guy cried because he gained 3 pounds...welll...muscle weighs more than fat..so that's probably what it was...geez...just do everything in moderation and you'll do fine..no crazy heavy workouts will be effective...so now they're cussing at each other pointing fingers because they haven't lost their weight goal...AH...reality tv drama....but then it's an interesting paradox...we tell people to love themselves and to accept being an individual..but you'll never see heavy weight people in commericals...and we push ourselves crazily to lose weight while people in other countries are starving because they have nothing to eat...and here we are in America where we have "nothing to eat"...that goes for having "nothing to wear" as well...

Hmmm...so..i have to fill out this application for the Disney program...peacing out for now...

YAY SIGMA!!!

This week basically taught me to trust in my sisters. It's really amazing how all 90 something girls share this deep bond..this bond that we call sigma sigma sigma. I am officially initiated!!! Yay for getting my jacket and yay for getting to wear embroidered letters!!! Lol...that's not the only reason for yaying about initiation...it's great knowing that you can trust 90 something girls and having someone to talk to about ANYTHING. Although i found out that i'm not the best person to lead...My big Brittaney lead me...but i always still managed to run into walls or trees.....and haha for trying to climb over wide objects when i have short legs...

So after initiation all the newly initiated members spent the night at the house...yea we didn't sleep till probably 5..we were all just talking and laughing but it was great...so Brittaney came to pick me up an hour later and took me back to my dorm...i slept and meant to wake up at 11...yea..i didn't wake up until 3.....

Brittaney, Kristen, and I went to see Loose Ends, which is 5 mini plays. My friend Mary was in a play about Semi-superheroes and she was the HUMAN PUDDLE..i was laughing the entire time..it was great! We went to Los Portales afterwards and that's always fun...i joked around with the cashier and talked about the Los chain back home.

My finger still hurts but not as bad...it's only the top part that still kinda hurts...and i can move it around a lot more...i mean i am typing right now....

I got pictures back yesterday from everything so far and that makes me happy :-)

I have to work on my Ecological paper in Biology and my research summary for Freshman O and study crazily for Trig and Chem...I've been looking at what classes i should take next sem and it should be easier than this one....of course i say that but it all really depends on the prof...they can screw you easily...but i'm hoping to take one of the professors in charge of CHA when i went two years ago so that should be fun...

Well i gotta go take care of some stuff so peace out

Haha...wow

Only one more day before i get initiated! Actually....that's tonight at 10 pm....but i'm going to still keep talking like this morning is still tonight (Thurs night)...

So we had a candlelight...pretty much everyone can just free flow and talk about...whatever...and who inspires you and what not...i found out who my secret violet was and i mean it's cool and all..but i'm sorry to say that...she just really didn't seem enthused about the whole thing....i mean i was gettin kinda frustrated cuz it took me awhile to find her...so i got another basket of sigma goodies...

haha..after that was when the fun began....so we all went out to Brittaney's apartment and a few of us were there going to go "get ice cream" at Dairy Queen....NOT QUITE.....haha let's just say the pictures should be QUITE funny...LOL but it did teach us to trust each other and basically goofed off...Too bad i recognized Dahm's voice when he called my name out...i wasn't supposed to recognize ANYONE

Wed. night was Senior night...hehe..i can't wait for when it's MY turn....

So tomorrow is Initiation and yearbook pictures...i get to dress up and attempt to look pretty...

It's so great when you have one of those meaningful conversations with a friend...

The Cards are going to the World Series!! Yay! Everyone at the house got so excited..as with most Murray State Students

Some random guy who was obviously under the influence of...something...came up to us and just talked about unity...kinda freaky but yea....he was obviously thrashed....speaking of randomness...breck's boyfriend john in New York broke up with her tonight...She had absolutely NO CLUE...after what she told me about her visit last weekend...i figured they were going to be together for a WHILE....she seemed so happy...the thing that' s confusing is that he didn't know whether he wanted to break up or not...but obviously he did..but that was low of him not to talk to her about his doubts while she was actually up there in New York with him....guess you'll never know about things like that....and it was their 3 month anniversary!! but i guarantee you he was NOT thinking about that at all...

So Randa still has an 8:30 chem class...and needs beauty sleep for tomorrow!! Speaking of naps..i took an hr and a half one this afternoon!!! It was GREAT....peaaace out

I suck at life

For some reason i'm having a hard time in college...never thought i would have to say that...but yea i feel so...not sure if overwhelmed is the word i need to use..not sure if stressed is the word i need to use...but ...that and things aren't going well w/ my parents...never thought i would say that either...I love them dearly and i know they're probably underappreciated..it's not even that at all..but when i compare my life's "problems" to what they have gone through in their lifetime...my "problems" seem really insignificant...if you're reading this I love you and i don't know if i've said it enough...i know i've probably disappointed you...heck i'm disappointed in myself...I know i just need to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself and stop making excuses...that's not going to make anything better...and i know i can do better than what i've been doing....it just shows how much i've been spoiled my whole life..i think i know what i need to do...just i need to DO IT

I know college is the next step into the "real world" but it's kinda scaring me right now..not really scaring...i really don't even know what words to use to describe how i feel..anyway that's all i'm going to say about THAT...On a more positive note...i got excited in Chemistry lecture this morning (GASP...i know..) but i actually kinda get what we're doing in there right now.....

This whole blogging thing is really still new to me...i know it's a way to vent..but i don't know if i want others to read my stream of conscious..and the fact that ANYONE can read it kinda scares me...and if you really think about it..even though i'm recording my life....it's not really a record....i mean i guess i COULD actually JOURNAL...but it's so much easier to just type out my feelings...there i go again at being spoiled...but really it's funny to look back on what you've written and what you were feeling at a certain time in your life

So i think i've pretty much not even really followed the whole NO BOYS rule....i just can't seem to remember it...but honestly i'm not going to be rude to someone who comes up and speaks to me....it's not like i've been shacking up and letting them prevent me from going to sigma stuff...apparently that's been a problem..otherwise they wouldn't have made a rule about it....

It'a been misting all day today...i feel like the vegetables at the grocery store...

So i'm going to a progressive dinner with my BIG...well not really cuz she has a meeting...so i'm going with my Grand Big...and then senior night tonight...that should be interesting...well i'm off to eat ....peace out for now

so yea

This week is I-week...NO BOYS NO BOOZE..which..is still taking time to get used to...the whole NO BOYS part anyway...that's cool though

While we were discussing Beowulf and Christianity, the fire alarm conveniently went off..false alarm..but still i got out of class 20 min early..yay..

So...SCHMELZMUSTER is cool science word for tooth enamel...i felt even stupider when i went to this undergrad research seminar...one girl talked about chick embryos for probably a good 20 min....if the whole doctor thing doesn't work out....i'm going to go be the president of the Philippines.....

so..that's all i feel like rambling on about tonight....peace out

Yay

So....this is my first blog....not that anyone will really read this but there are times when i want to vent and don't really feel like journaling....hmmm..so i'm hoping this could be another outlet to vent about...whatever....